Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
