you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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