when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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