farters have to be the big spoon...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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