remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
