it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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