you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
