just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
