I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
