Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
