i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
