Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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