whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
