I will die if light touches me.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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