Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
