a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
