I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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