I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
