Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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