I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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