i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
