Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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