I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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