Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
