Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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