I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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