Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
