In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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