the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I don't deserve a penis
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
