ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
