Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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