Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
