My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
