I like to think it a success when the cops are called
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
