My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
