Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
