a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
