i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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