So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
