Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
17 year olds will be the death of me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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