Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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