Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
