so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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