do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just gift wrapped bread.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
