I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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