Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
