I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
