he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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