Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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