My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
