WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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