i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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