this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The struggles of a small town man whore
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
