I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my being single is dangerous.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
