It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
