I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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