who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
