I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
