I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
