i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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