wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
