My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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