Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
