i need an iv and a liver transplant
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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