How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The dick lei will go down in squad history
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
