as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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