Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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