you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
