You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
