the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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