I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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