It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My bed is full of blood and feathers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
