I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Quick, to the slutcave!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want nice things and good sex
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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