in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
