no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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