Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
