After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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