So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
